It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
