How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
