Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
