Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What happened to fro yo and sex?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
