I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
