Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
