I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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