Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
