She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
40s are totally the cure
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
