i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
