In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
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