he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
