last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I think I won the penis lottery.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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