i think i have herpe
just one?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
