JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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