so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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