Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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(845): View more from New York

Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

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(325): View more from Texas

I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.

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(281): View more from Texas

A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.

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(925): View more from California

I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.

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(337): View more from Louisiana

My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!

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