Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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