just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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