I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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