There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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