I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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