do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.