sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.