this beer tastes like vomit already
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.