DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you win again, gameday.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.