6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
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Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
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Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It's not a walk of shame if you run