My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
