yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
