i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
