We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
