yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
