I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
