South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
