I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
