so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
