I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
