We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
