"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
