He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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