An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
