Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
