You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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