giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
