you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
