I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
