There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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