I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
