batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
