I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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