Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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