: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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