Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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