Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
