Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
