so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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