He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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