I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That was before I lit my hair on fire
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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