How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
