I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
