I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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