So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
