Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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