Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
