She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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