I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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