i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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