I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
