idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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