They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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