I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
