I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
