D3 body, D1 cock
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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