I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
